An Adventurer Is You!
Kingdom of Loathing – The Home Game*

*Okay, that kind of assumes that you don’t have an internet connection at home, otherwise Kingdom of Loathing itself would be the home game. So, maybe this is “The Not At Home Game”, or possibly “The At Work Game”, although lots of people play Kingdom of Loathing at work, too.

How about I just call it “The Somewhere Where You Don’t Have An Internet Connection Game”? Actually, you’re probably reading this in your hotel room at the San Diego Comic Con, so let’s call it “The Hotel Room At The San Diego Comic Con (Assuming Your Hotel Room Doesn’t Get Internet) Game”. That’s pretty good.

Your head pounds like the largest and most arrhythmic hippy drum circle ever as you slowly regain consciousness. You’re lying in a puddle of vomit in a sleazy back‐alley somewhere. You don’t know if it’s your own vomit or someone else’s… in fact, you’re not sure of much of anything, up to and including where you are, how you got here, or even – dun dun dunnnn! – who you are!

As you lie there pondering your fate, a half‐orc hobo shuffles up to you. “Hey buddy… you got any meat?”

“Meat?” you ask, “What… why would I be carrying around meat?”

“Ah, I see,” replies the hobo, grinning toothlessly. “You must have amnesia. That’s common in these situations – it offers a reasonable context for the large amount of exposition that is necessary to explain the backstory. Meat, you see, is what we use for currency around here. We also use it to smith weapons, fuel our automobiles, and as a sticky paste that can be used to glue objects together. You got any?”

“Here? Where is here?”

“Why, this is the Kingdom of Loathing, friend. And by your garb, I can see that an adventurer is you!”

As the opening theme music starts to play, the following choices present themselves to you:

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